For some couples premarital counseling is something they do just because it is on a wedding checklist or because it is mandated by their church or officiant. Some couples resent the idea of premarital counseling because they believe it is a sign that something must be wrong in their relationship. However, I found premarital counseling to be the most relaxing and invigorating part of my wedding planning process. It is easy to get caught up in the logistics of your wedding: who are you going to invite, how will it look, who will pay for what. Somewhere in the wedding planning process, you may forget the initial reasons of why you are getting married. Premarital counseling grounds you. It reminds you and your partner of the sacredness of marriage, and it helps you remember that the wedding is just one day. Your marriage is for a lifetime! Good premarital sessions should also help prepare you for the inevitable changes that marriage will bring to your relationship. Couples should put as much enthusiasm into premarital counseling as they do into planning their actual wedding day. Here are some reasons why premarital counseling is a great idea:
1) Work on being honest! Premarital counseling helps you take a deeper exploration into the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Some people date only for months before they get married. Some have been dating for years. Either way, you can never know everything there is to know about a person, and your partner may have evolved since you started dating. Premarital counseling can serve as a positive environment where you can be truthful. The more honest you are the better. Put issues such as money, kids, sex life, and future aspirations on the table. You can be honest about what your strengths and weaknesses are as an individual and as a couple, and walk away with things you need to work on to make your relationship stronger.
2) Define what your new roles will be. What does it mean to be a wife? What does it mean to be a husband? Even if you have been living with your mate before marriage, it can be a rough transition going from girlfriend to wife. You will look at yourself differently and other people will too. This is a time for you to be very explicit with your partner about what your marriage expectations are. Who will pay the bills? Does your husband want you to be a stay at home wife? Don’t be afraid to ask difficult questions.
3) Find out how your past affects your present and future. Premarital counseling will help you take a critical look at the marriages in your family and how they might affect how you view relationships.
4) Build communication skills. Premarital counseling will give you tools on how to effectively communicate with your partner, and more importantly it will teach you how to listen to your partner.
5) Allow your officiant to know you better as a couple. If your officiant is conducting your wedding counseling, it is a great time for him or her to get to know you as a couple. The more your officiant knows about you as a couple, the more authentic your wedding ceremony will feel.
6) Get great advice. The person conducting your premarital counseling may have worked with hundreds of couples, and I am sure they will have plenty of great advice to share with you. So soak it all in!
This is great. At Forever Yes Weddings, we recommend pre marital courses to all of our clients. This is the key fundamental to having a successful marriage. We say “invest just a much time/money into you marriage as you do the WEDDING!” We also encourage our clients to get connected to a marriage group at their church once they are married. There are many things that couples encounter on this road of marriage and its so important that they stay connected to keep growing.
Often, my work with couples is getting them to realize that the unspoken, implicit marital contract they signed up for at age 22 isn’t working for them anymore and it’s time to renegotiate. In the best marriages, their marital contract is not implicit, but very explicit and continually talked about and changing depending on changing needs. Healthy marital contracts aren’t necessarily documents (although I don’t see anything wrong with writing it down), but a continuous, ongoing, honest conversation about the quality of the relationship – and depending on the conversation, marital contracts becomes ever-evolving, flexible documents that meet the needs of both partners.
We offer a 6 session model to assist with premarital concerns. Below are 6 factors we address that contribute to the success and endurance of marriage:
· Expectations
· Personalities and families-of-origin
· Communication
· Conflict resolution
· Intimacy and sexuality
· Long-term goals