Love & The Media: Fairy Tales and Unrealistic Dating/Marriage Expectations

Disney has been doing a great job of bringing some of its cartoon classics back to the big screen for the younger audiences. You can say that they are reintroducing today’s children to the characters so beloved of the past generation. Last year, they released The Lion King in theaters for a short time and have worked hard to bring even more color (literally) to those beloved characters. The latest Disney cartoon to receive a color makeover and a theater re-release this month is Beauty and the Beast.

Ah, Beauty and the Beast! Just thinking about it brings back fond memories of childhood and has me spontaneously bursting into song: “Tale as old as time/True as it can be/Barely even friends/Then somebody bends/Unexpectedly….” Great cartoon, great characters, great music! However, I do wonder if these fairy tales, romantic cartoons and romantic comedies create unrealistic dating and marriage expectations. It’s easy to dismiss these stories as light-hearted entertainment when you’re an adult, because, well….you know better. As a child, though, I wonder if these stories plant the seeds for the flights of fancy that become full-blown expectations in adulthood.

Think of how your perception of love changes when you watch one of those cartoons/movies or read one of those books. Think of a few of the terms that we, as women, have come to associate with romance: “knight in shining armor,” “damsel in distress,” “swept off our feet,” “Prince Charming,” etc. Many of these terms show that (at least to a small extent) we’ve come to expect far too much from our men – and that is quite a heavy burden. There are amazing men in many of our lives who are, indeed, our knights on most days, but annoy us on occasion. And that’s perfectly normal! To expect them to always be “charming,” or “knightly,” or to “sweep us off our feet” (note that I said always) is unrealistic and frankly unfair. They are as flawed, imperfect and as human as we are;  expecting anything else is impractical and cruel.

The greatest romances are those that involve two people who love each other deeply each day; but who also realize that when they inevitably annoy, hurt or get on each other’s nerves or have an argument, their love is worth the effort at reconciliation, at saying “I’m sorry”, and at working to communicate in much better ways.

I’m not saying leave the fairy tales and romantic comedies behind. I certainly don’t plan to: I love them too much to do so:) I’m just saying that we should always remind ourselves that that is make-believe and the love we have here is real. Yes, it might take work some days but it’s worth every bit of effort. Plus, the things you work for are so much more sexy and valuable anyway because hey, you’ve earned them:)

 {photos: Elizabeth Messina}