In 2014, it is very evident that racism is still an issue in our society. Even though the United States is a huge melting pot that is becoming increasingly more diverse every year, people still harbor racial anxieties, especially when it comes to interracial relationships. So how can you navigate the sometimes rough terrain of U.S. race relations if you are an interracial couple? There is no one-size fits all answer. However, below one of our Munaluchi brides, Pamela Brylski, who is happily married to a man of different race, addresses some of the stereotypes associated with interracial dating, while emphasizing why following your heart is most important when finding the perfect mate.
What is the hardest thing about being in an interracial relationship?
Being in an interracial relationship comes with the same types of beauty and challenges that come along with any relationship. You have to sacrifice, respect and love the uniqueness that comes with creating a lifelong partnership with your spouse. Sometimes hearing some of the negative things that transpire around interracial marriages is annoying, but we tend to be very practical and positive so we never allow the ignorance that sometimes plagues our world to define or affect what we know to be our reality.
What is the best thing about being in an interracial relationship?
We think what really makes our interracial relationship so unique is not really our race but our culture. Pamela is Nigerian American and Cezary is Polish and both cultures are built on family, education and hardwork. We are both extremely hard workers and fully committed to whatever we do, including our relationship. This is probably the best thing for us as a couple and the many goals we have for our relationship and our family. We are a true team, and we both feed off of each other. Right now, we are starting a new venture together and our work ethic and drive that comes from both of our cultures is definitely a driving force behind our present and hopefully future successes.
What are some questions you are tired of being asked about being in an interracial relationship?
We pride ourselves with surrounding ourselves with like minded people to ourselves, individuals who are intelligent, well traveled and quite open. Therefore, we really do not get a lot of questions from our community on being in an interracial relationship. I think people think of us as just Pamela and Czarek two people who love each other deeply and just work.
What stereotypes have you encountered as an interracial couple? In particular, have you encountered the stereotype that black women only date white men because there aren’t any good black men.
I have always been a woman who does exactly what she wants and simply does not care or put much thought on what other people think about me or what I should do. I married my husband because I love him and he treats me with more love and respect than I even imagined could exist. He supports me for my good and bad and is my partner and best friend. I found that in him, and I cannot say that black men do not respect their mates because that would be a generalization that is unfair. All I know is my husband respects and loves me. I think such stereotypes do exist and they honestly stem from the insecurities that many people hold of themselves. I really think people should not be worried about why anyone is dating anyone else, and should frankly focus on themselves and what makes them happy.
What do you have to say to people who are adamant about black women dating within their race?
“Cool”. If you believe that is a decision that works for you, by all means stick to it. I am not trying, nor do I want, to be a champion of people to date or marry outside of their race. If that is a decision that people want to take for their lives, we wish them all the best in finding love. The most important thing in a relationship is finding comfort in your mate and security, if you feel that those qualities can only be found with someone within your race then focus on that group.
Do you have any advice for women considering dating outside of their race who may be apprehensive about it?
Love is love. Approach an interracial relationship the way you should any relationship. Know who you are, stay true to who you are and make sure the person you end up with knows that person and loves you for you.
What made you sure your husband was the one for you?
He is respectful, loving, talented, extremely hard working, kind, intelligent yet amazingly humble. He is everything I want in a best friend, husband, father and partner.
How did your families and friends react to your relationship?
His parents were fine and open to it from the beginning. We were worried about my parents and they were not thrilled until they met him. Once they met him they immediately fell in love with him. Our friends loved us as a couple from the onset.
How do you deal with differences in culture?
We talk about it, embrace it and move forward with a compromise among those differences. Czarek and I love culture and are very open. We have lived in Barcelona, South Africa, New York, DC and now Houston together. We are able to adapt to any surrounding and find ways to thrive and be true to ourselves no matter where we live. That adaptability and realness is what makes us who we are as a couple, and we hope will be one of the factors that make us cool parents to our kids.
Anything else you would like to share!
Our advice to any couple, especially interracial couples is do not let anyone on the outside affect your relationship. Many people thought our relationship was odd, not so much because of our race, but because of our difference in language and culture. We fell in love at my husband’s creperie in Barcelona, unable to speak the same language, bonding over crepes, cocktails and soccer. It is funny, exciting and ironic because we have taken that very unique love story and it is now the foundation of a successful marriage and business we started together in Texas, Bonjour Creperie. We have been together for six years, lived in a variety of places and have been partners through it all. Stay true to who you are and if people question you, or your relationship, let your success as a couple be your ultimate answer. Also keep God first in whatever you do as a couple, because with God and your faith you will get where you need to be as a couple and he will work continuously in your life.
Wedding Pictures by K&K Photography. View more from this gorgeous wedding by clicking here.
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