Love & The Media: Do Men in Love Really Want an “Independent Woman”?

I love Ne-Yo’s music! I love the fact that, in addition to his great vocals, his lyrics are often (even if not always) meaningful and tell a story. Most times, I can listen to his song lyrics without feeling degraded and offended. For me, that’s rare with a lot of the music that’s out there in the mainstream.

Recently, I was listening to his song, Miss Independent (which I love) when I remembered that the song has a “second part” to it: She Got Her Own. All of a sudden, it unleashed a number of  thoughts and questions in my very random mind; and I thought I’d get your opinions.

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As far as I know, both songs are celebrations of female independence: Ne-Yo, as well as the artists he features in his sequel song, sing an ode to a young woman who is driven and hardworking and who is paving a way to her own success. She’s “got her own so she leaves his alone,” they sing. “I love it when she says, ‘It’s cool, I’ve got it!’,” they sing – referring to the woman who doesn’t need any man to pay her bills or buy her things.

My thoughts and questions have nothing to do with the often discussed concepts of men intimidated by successful women or female submissiveness. Instead, I choose to reflect on the man who wants a woman that’s “got her own.” I think any man who takes great pride in his woman’s success is certainly to be respected. However, to play devil’s advocate, I find the strong emphasis on the need for this woman to pay her own way very intriguing.

In my experience, men who are really in love go out of their way to share some of their “own” with the women in their lives. I know men who have stated that nothing gives them more joy than to realize that they’ve provided a very important need in the lives of the women they love. It makes them feel great, because their love has been changed from just a feeling to real action.

Also, I wonder: can a man who continually wants a woman to always have her own while they are (seriously) dating/courting become a partnering spouse willing to provide financially in their marriage, if need be? Is it really possible for any man who really really loves a woman to be alright with having her pay her way; while he pays his? Just to clarify, I don’t mean that any man should pay any woman’s bills, rent, or anything like that, especially before they are married. What I am referring to is that it is possible that a man who wants an independent woman might just be too much of an independent man himself, not just financially but emotionally as well.

The best marriages are built on interdependence and not independence on the part of either part. A marriage is a unit in which two separate people become one. Yes, they certainly maintain their own identities and individualities but they have become a fusion.

What are your thoughts?